I have been staring at this piece of paper forever.
I can’t pick up the pen and write a single line.
Maybe I’ve lost my way with words.
Maybe I just lost my feelings for you.
Maybe you left my system after all those years
of writing only about my memories of you.
You have been standing on my doorsteps
dripping wet from the rain begging for me
to let you in for hours and it seems as
the rain washed away the little brain you
had in your head because you don’t seem to
understand you’re not coming in, you’re not
crossing that line again.
I miss you. I love you. I made a mistake.
If you say another cliché I will go insane.
I can finally see the lies, the betrayal.
“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her” was
your approach to whatever the hell we had.
Despite everything, all of this tonight is still
my fault. I wasn’t careful enough. Please move
a few steps back while I get a lighter so I can burn
my welcome mat. Do you get the message now?
You left a big question mark in my head
and you’re depriving me of the answers to save face.
You misinterpreted everything I said just to
keep the situation moving in the direction you like
and that direction is as far away from the mess you left
in my brain. Run. Just run away. That’s what you do best.
I hope regret and guilt keep you warm at night since
you traded me for them.
I will just shut down. Fake it ‘till you make it.
Maybe I’ll make the feelings go away.
On a rainy day and on a sunny day I’ll have the
Nothing will touch me.
Nothing will bother me.
I’ll close my eyes at the sign of memories, I’ll stop
breathing when I feel a familiar smell next to me.
Fake it ‘till you make it all go away.
I’ll lock my soul in a safe place so that I can dust her
off anytime I need to pick up my pen.
Fake it ‘till you make it.
Fake it ‘till you make it.
Your intentions and feelings were pure
but his were clouded by what happened to him.
You were always in the shadow of his ex,
carrying a burden because of her sins.
Her ghost was sleeping between you two
his trust was unavailable to you because
in the past he gave it to her.
Your heart hurts when he puts you on her level,
you try so hard to show him you are better.
Aren’t you a bit too smart to be doing time
when you didn’t do the crime?
Suddenly we were strangers. Like there was
a wall through which we couldn’t see each other anymore
and once, not so long ago we would spend endless hours
talking about things we don’t remember now.
It’s like all of the good disappeared as if taken from the
surface by a strong wave that suffocated both of us and
in order to live we had to swim in opposite directions.
Not a single glance, not a single smile when we pass
each other in the street, as if there wasn’t a bond
so strong holding us together, as if we didn’t don’t what’s
it like to hold each other tight. Suddenly we were strangers.