The biggest lies about love that you may believe

There isn’t a single formula or list of rules about love. Every relationship is unique and everyone behaves and relates to love in different ways. The base of any relationship is trust and respect, although there are many false (yet popular) ideas about how to love another person. According to Margarida Vieite, a specialist in family therapy at the University of Seville, many of these misleading ideas seem romantic, but in reality may actually be quite toxic.

Don’t let yourself get fooled by the following lies about love!

If you are jealous, you are crazy about me!

According to Margarida Vieite, a specialist in family therapy at the University of Seville, when our partner is over-the-top jealous, it’s a sign that they need help. Jealousy reveals deep-seeded insecurity, low self-esteem, and can be a sign of an obsessive disorder.

Love at first sight

Love is reciprocal and requires hard work, acceptance, and forgiveness. According to the specialist, it arises from mutual appreciation and trust.

Now that I won you over, you’re mine!

Winning over your significant other is a daily process. We don’t belong to anyone but ourselves, and people are not possessions.

If you don’t call me after a first date, you don’t love me

Calm down! No one falls in love at first sight. Even if the date was incredible for both people, not calling the next day doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person is not interested. According to Margarida Vieite, love involves getting to know and discover who the other person is. It requires time.

My other half is out there somewhere…

You don’t need another person to feel complete. You already are.

Love means doing everything together!

Doing activities together is great, but loving someone also means giving them the freedom to live their own lives and do things alone or with friends, family, and coworkers. Everyone needs to respect the individuality of their partner.

You say that you like me, but I need to pressure you to be with me

If someone really loves another person, they will make time to be with them even if they are busy, according to the family therapist.

I believe you love me but you criticize, blame, and laugh at me

Some people have distorted ideas about love. Putting down another person, laughing at them, or blaming them for something they have no control over is definitely not love.

If you love me, do everything I say

Loving another person does not make them your slave. It means hearing their wants, needs, and priorities, without sacrificing your own interests, dreams, and goals, according to Margarida Vieite.

Love means not having any differences

Many people search for someone who shares the same interests and opinions. However, having differences between you and your partner is actually healthy, as you both learn to respect the individuality of the other. However, when differences involve principles, values, relationship styles, and life goals, it can be difficult to maintain a relationship.

It’s possible to love without trust

The base of a healthy relationship is honesty, respect, and trust. The psychologist confirms that if you cannot trust your partner, you can never fully give yourself to them and love them.

Fighting means you don’t love each other

It’s acceptable to have arguments. When the emotions get intense, it’s important to try to remain calm and hear the point of view of the other person.

If you pressure me to have sex, it’s because you love me

A person who pressures another into having sexual relations does not love nor respect the will of their partner.

The love we share will always stay the same

Change is a natural part of life. Relationships and love are always evolving. If the love is healthy and well nourished, it will grow and become stronger over time, even if there are days when a person questions their love for their partner.

Love means not expressing yourself out of fear that the relationship will end

Love requires transparency, truth, respect, and dignity. If you hide parts of yourself in order to prevent hurting or scaring off your partner, you will end up living in a prison instead of a relationship.

Long-distance relationships are doomed to fail

The family therapist said that when long distance relationships fail, it’s not necessarily because the couple aren’t determined to make it work. It means that there were signals that went unnoticed or were interpreted wrong.

You spend hours talking with other people online but I know you love me

If your partner spends hours talking to people on social media when they could be with you, they might need a reminder about where their priorities lie.

Love means suffering

Love is not equal to torture and suffering. Even if there are difficult moments, your relationship should never feel like a constant burden.

I can’t live without them

It’s one thing to love a person and another to depend on them for survival, emphasizes Margarida Vieite.

We don’t have a life together as a couple, but our love can still return

If a couple doesn’t spend time together and instead suffers in order to save their relationship, they don’t belong together. The love will not likely return, and the lack of affection will only increase the distance, revolt, and anger between the two people.

Having a relationship is synonymous with being loved and being happy

There are millions of people in the world that are in a relationship but don’t feel loved nor happy, and vice versa. In many cases, these people have a fear of being alone.

You can live without love

As human beings, we need both self-love and the love of others. However it doesn’t necessarily mean just romantic love.

The life we live makes me unable to end the relationship

You can always end a bad relationship. However, you may be afraid of the unknown and experience anxiety and insecurity about the future.

The life we live makes me unable to end the relationship

Other reasons for someone not having the courage to end a relationship are: being afraid of what others will think, feeling guilty about ending the relationship, and holding the belief that a lack of love is not reason enough to end a life the two of you have built together.

The life we live makes me unable to end the relationship

Many people don’t end a relationship because they’re afraid of being alone and not finding anyone else who loves them. Lots of older people have financial reasons because poverty among the elderly is a huge problem in our society.

In order to save the relationship, I must force myself and hurt more

One party is not responsible for the success of the relationship. When one person gives significantly more, it can create an imbalance in the relationship and make the mismatch even clearer, according to the family therapist.

I can love for the both of us

A healthy and loving relationship implies that both people love each other equally, says Margarida Vieite. The love that we don’t feel or that our partner doesn’t feel cannot be substituted.

Love means that another person makes you soar, shine and feel happy

This is absolutely true! Your love should make you feel comfortable, strong, courageous, and lift your self-esteem.

 

Lifestyle – Star Insider